apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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