he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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