Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
