remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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