No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
