Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
