totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
