you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
