Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
