that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
