A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
