Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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