Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
