well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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