There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
