fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
