Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize