I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
