I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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