I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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