I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
