I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
