Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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