After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
