I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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