I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
