Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he was CRYING into my vagina
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize