I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
