Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
