I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
