Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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