He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
