She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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