if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
