I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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