I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
