If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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