some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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