Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He? As in you personified your dick?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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