Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
