FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am one with the molecules
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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