just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
