I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Someone signed my nipple.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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