i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
