white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
