Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
