fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im part way to drunk.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
