a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
