kristin has been a bad kristin
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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