Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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