I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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