Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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