this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
