she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
