I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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