he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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