I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
