Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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