I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
