Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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