I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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