i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
