last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
