Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
