ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Randomize
