Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
