My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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