dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
