You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
